I’ve never really been much of a salesman. When someone asks me if I would recommend something that I’ve bought in the past, I usually just kind of shrug my shoulders. I find it difficult to recommend products to people because I don’t want to feel like I’ve let them down if they don’t enjoy it as much as I had. Feeling almost obligated to providing some sort of warranty, I have this sense of responsibility weighing on my conscience that encourages me to provide some sort of money back guarantee. Similar to those promises that they make to you on late night infomercials, if you’re not 100% satisfied we will give you your money back. Then you buy the item, find it doesn’t work as advertised but you’re too lazy to go through the return procedure so it joins the community of the forgotten late night drunk purchases that you’ve made. Naturally, with this in mind, when I was approached by a company to promote a watch I did not feel very enthused about the project. Sure, I was getting a free watch out of the deal, but the reality of it was that I never wear any kind of ornaments let alone watches. Considering myself to be a bit of blank canvas, I don’t feel like I need all these trinkets dangling off me like a bowerbird trying to attract a mate. I like to think I shine bright enough without the shiny ornaments.
I received my first email regarding the promotion of a JORD watch and ignored it. Then I received another robot like attempt to convince me to accept the gift but I stood firm on my decision not to accept the position of spruiker. Then I remembered the pledge, the sacred oath I had made to myself. This year I was going to say yes to every offer that came my way no matter what it was. With this notion hovering in my mind like a fog, another email titled “FINAL Follow Up” appeared in my inbox. Fate had materialised in the form of a spam email directing me on my new course.
Having caved into the assault of emails, I replied to the email with its capitalised subject line of “JORD Influencer Program:FINAL Follow Up”. Enquiring as to what the offer was, to my surprise I received an actual human reply which was quite prompt and professional. She sent me some media packs and examples of what to write as it was a campaign leading up to Valentines Day. After outlining my obligations in terms of what I needed to post, she asked me to select a JORD watch from a quite an extensive list of products. Needless to say, I was a little sceptical at first. The entire duration between accepting the offer and receiving the watch I felt a sense of anticipation. Waiting for a follow up email, delivering the fine print of the deal that seemed too good to be true. Having a premonition of being asked for credit card details, I felt a parallel to being approached online by a webcam girl. They reel you in with their sexual innuendos, then when you’re sufficiently tenderised, they ask for your credit card details to solely verify your age they assure you. Balancing on a tightrope, I was poised for that gust of wind to knock me off. However, not even a draft was felt, the watch arrived and I had just adopted a JORD wooden watch.
Being summertime in Australia, I decided that I’d do a beach photo shoot of the JORD watch. They wanted my posts to have an air of romanticism about them since it was leading up to Valentines Day, but that just isn’t my style. I must say, in another life, I think I’d like to work in advertising. Although I think my methods are quite unconventional in the sense that my sales pitch for the watch did resemble the plot of the Lord Of The Rings. It was as if I’d read a marketing 101 textbook then thrown it in the bin and developed my own sales tactics. I’d never photographed products before but it was certainly a lot simpler than trying to photograph a baby which I had experienced the week before. Watches won’t crawl away or break eye contact with you, they are extremely malleable subjects.
The promotion of the watch was starting to consume my life a little, a little wooden demon that plagued my mind. Every time I’d leave the house I had this impulse to look for new locations to shoot the watch in. One day, I even went to the length of dressing up in a suit in my house. It must have looked quite odd to my neighbours, being positioned in front of a camera, just wearing the top half of a suit, no pants on standing in my underwear. This is outfit I imagine news presenters adorn, sitting at a desk only half clothed but extremely comfortable to deliver the top stories of the day. Needless to say, the results were dismal, I blame it on the poor lighting and not my robot photographer.
I did have some success with beach selfies, although, waiting for an opportunity to take a nude picture on a suburban beach is quite a tricky process, requiring the patience of a National Geographic wildlife photographer. It was like playing a game of Frogger, you need wait for a gap in the passing obstructions. I waited calmly for an opening, in between the people walking their dogs and a man who seemed to stand there for eternity, looking out into the distance recalling his lost youth, a window of opportunity opened and I frantically took photos whilst wrestling my clothes on and off.
When the JORD watch arrived, I must admit, I was extremely impressed with the packaging. It was encased in a carved wooden box, giving it this resounding sense of value and mystery. With the JORD logo branded on the side, I imagined a swordsmith completing construction of the watch in a montage of sparks and flames blazing in the background, with the final scene exhibiting him stamping the emblem on the top of the box with a glowing iron rod. Some fantastic craftsmanship has gone into the production of the JORD watch. Being entirely made out of wood, it’s stylish, elegant and practical since it boasts kinetic perpetual power so no batteries are required, making it the perfect travelling watch.
Did I enjoy my experience peddling wares? Yes and no. I enjoyed the artistic side of things, photographing and writing about the JORD watch but there’s always this inkling in the back of your mind that your main objective is to cast the product in a light that will make people want to buy it. If you can’t convince yourself that you like a product then you have little to no chance of convincing others. This is the kind of behaviour that just doesn’t sit well with me, it doesn’t reflect who I am or what I stand for. You either need to genuinely believe in a product or be a fantastic actor in order to convince other people to buy it. Since I’ll never win an Oscar for my acting abilities and being such a terrible liar, my days peddling products are surely numbered. I’m not saying I didn’t like the watch, I loved the watch, it’s just I’m not an accessory wearing person, I can’t stand tan lines!
To stay true to myself, I’ve decided I’d like to give away this impressively crafted JORD watch to one of my followers. If you’d like to be the lucky winner of this JORD wooden watch then write me a comment below. Feel free to beg, offer me your first born child or use any other creative means to sway my decision to bestow the watch upon you. There’s also still time to enter the competition for your chance to win some e-gift vouchers so go to JORD WATCHES and fill out the entry form!